After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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