he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
