i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
