A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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