i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish I only lived at night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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