There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
