please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize