I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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