All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
