babies were throwing up all over the place
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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