I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
