WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
