and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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