Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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