I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
