my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
