I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
kristin has been a bad kristin
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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