come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
