You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
