Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You can't motorboat a personality
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Even my vagina gasped.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
