I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
