you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
