in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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