Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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