I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
