so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
