i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
