Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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