I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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