I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize