and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
