I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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