No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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