Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize