the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
