Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
