hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
