so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
