Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
