Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
