Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
