Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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