i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My cat gives me a boner
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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