maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
