Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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