my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
