wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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