There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
