hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
