your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
