its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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