I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
