Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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