If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
we're so committed to being not committed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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