Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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