then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it was like eating out sand paper
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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