My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
