real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
