i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
