I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
