No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
