I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
