would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize