I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
