i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
