we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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