meet me or not, i'm out of control
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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