The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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