Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
