just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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