You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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