Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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