All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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