butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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