Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
