well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
