saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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