The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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