so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
