I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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