Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
