I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
