one might say we're banned from that church
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
