She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
