Life is so much better after having sex.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
