i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I deserve this hangover.
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