Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
