So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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