the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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