Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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