id be glad to
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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