I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
