sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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