Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
