ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we're making bets on your personal life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
