well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
