it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
