ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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