you guys were way drunker than both of me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
