somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
